Song and Psychology
by nekonorialla
Summary: A series of song-based one-shots centered around the lives of Sasuke and Naruto. SXN. Warnings: Angst, swearing, slash, possible OOC. Rated M for safety, for now.
1. Blurry

"Blurry"-Puddle of Mudd

_Everything's so blurry_

_And everyone's so fake_

Not this again. Every time, every single time that I was left to myself-I started thinking about him again. And not in a good way, not as a teammate, not as a rival. Not even as a friend-I thought of him as-well, as my everything.

_And everybody's empty_

_And everything is so messed up_

It sucks being here, being away-I'm learning, I'm becoming more powerful, but at the same time, I can't stand it. I feel like I'm going insane, here with Orochimaru the pedophile. I try to give off the impression of being brainwashed, but I'm not sure if it's working.

_Preoccupied without you_

_I cannot live at all_

_My whole world surrounds you_

_I stumble then I crawl_

I really can't stop thinking about him. Mental images float through my weary brain at night when I can't sleep. Him, what he's like on the outside and…the inner him. The Nine-Tailed Fox, Kyuubi.

_You could be my someone, you could be my scene_

_You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene_

_I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are_

_There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far_

I wonder, in my spare time, what he's doing. He seems so far away from the life that I'm living. Idiot. Idiot. Stop thinking about him. He likes that pink-haired bitch, anyways. You don't have a chance in hell.

_Can you take it all away?_

_Can you take it all away?_

_Well you shoved it in my face_

_This pain you gave to me…_

What would life be like had I stayed? Would this gaping hole in my chest disappear? Will it now if I go back to him? Does he even like me? Could he take my pain away if I let him, if he somehow, inexplicably, liked me as more than a friend?

_Everyone is changing_

_There's no one left that's real_

_So make up your own ending_

_And let me know just how you feel…_

Everything is different now. I'm different, life is different, he's probably different, too. My old life in Konoha seems so…surreal, I guess would be the best word. I wish there was a way for Naruto to contact me and tell me how he feels, even though it would involve a lot of yelling and cursing.

_Nobody told me what you thought_

_Nobody told me what to say_

_Everyone showed you where to turn_

_Told you when to run away_

_Nobody told you where to hide_

_Nobody told you what to say_

_Everyone showed you where to turn_

_Showed you when to run away_

He seemed to know, instinctively-and yet he fought. I don't think he's truly stupid, just acting. He's intelligent. Behind those beautiful eyes lie so many secrets, and it's hard to know what he's thinking. Unlike Kakashi, he doesn't need a tangible mask to hide his emotions. Naruto just…hides behind a mask of hyper knucklehead.

_Can you take it all away?_

_Can you take it all away?_

_Well you shoved it in my face_

_This pain you gave to me…_

I sincerely doubt it.


	2. Author's Note

Author's Note: I do not own Naruto or any of the songs used in this fic. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.


	3. I Need You

"I Need You"-Relient K

_I've dug up miles and miles of sand_

_Searching for something I can't see_

Where? Where?! Where, damn it?! It's gotta be here somewhere! Don't tell me that bastard Sai stole it again! Where the fuck is it?

_I've just got bruised and battered hands_

_And a brand-new void inside of me_

Gone. It's gone, it's fucking gone. All that work I did to try to locate it for nothing. It was there…it was right there, on that table. Yesterday night, I put it there, and it was there this morning when I got up…SAI YOU ASSHOLE!!! Gone. Empty. Nothing…there's nothing to remind me…no trace left at all.

_Complete with walls I did create_

_From all the earth that I've displaced_

Just put the mask on. Go outside, smile, act like a fucking idiot, and nobody will notice anything different. Crying should only happen within the shielding walls of my mind. Emotions only exist within those walls. The walls, the smile and the idiocy, themselves have no real emotions.

_A mess that I have made from what_

_I've just let pile and pile up_

This is great, just great. I leave my apartment. The pleasantness of the day barely registers, it doesn't mean much. The sky is mocking me again, just like almost every other day. I wish for once it would just rain so maybe I could feel like Konoha itself wasn't taunting me.

_I have not been abandoned, no I have not been_

_Deserted and I have not been forgotten…_

He left! He fucking left, and now I'm stuck alone in a village of people who can never truly know me. He left that…I don't even wanna think about it now that it's gone…and it helped. It was comfort, it was the only thing that gave me hope that he would return. And now it's gone. I feel abandoned, forgotten in the wasteland of my own grief.

_I need you…_

_I need you here, I need you now_

_I need security somehow…_

Nothing is right anymore. The sky might as well have been bleached for all that I notice the color of it. Without him, I'm nothing inside…it's all gone. My only desire is to find him, bring him back home. There are no mementos of him any longer, Sai probably destroyed the headband.

_I need you like you would not believe_

_You're the only thing I want, 'cause you're everything_

_Everything I need_

I can't do this. No training today, not without knowing that he will return to me. Why the hell does this happen? Why do I need that bastard so much? Damn Uchiha. He's become the only thing I live for.

_Explore the cave that is my chest_

_A torch reveals there's nothing left_

These people are idiots. They think I'm okay, that nothing bothers me. Bullshit. Inside, I'm hollow, there's nothing left. I'm so disturbed by it all, by my feelings, by my pain, by their cruel words when I am suffering like they could never imagine.

_Your whispers echo off the walls_

_And you can hear my distant calls_

Sometimes, late at night when I can't sleep, I can hear him talking. Well, maybe talking isn't the word. It's really more like screaming, as if from so far away I can hear not his physical voice, but his soul screaming in agony. I don't think he realizes that I'm in love with him, but I would like to believe that he too hears my soul screaming.

_The voice of who I used to be_

_Screaming out someone, someone please_

_Please shine a light into the black_

_Wade through the depths and bring me back…_

Sasuke. How I wish he would return, revive me. I am a mere shadow of my former self-and I was depressed even then, from the constant insults. Monster. Yeah, that's what I am. A child with a demon inside his mind and a black soul. Like anyone could love me. Even Sasuke left me to wallow alone in anguish and despair.

_I need you…_

_I need you here, I need you now_

_I need security somehow…_

_I need you like you would not believe_

_You're the only thing I want, 'cause you're everything_

_Everything I need…_

I need to leave this village. Leave these people who can never understand me, this sky that mocks my despair, these streets that we walked together.I need to leave and go try to find him again, because more than I need to leave Konoha, I need to be with Sasuke.

_I need you…_

_I need you now_

I can't live without my other half any longer.

_When my heart's feeling tangled _

_Somewhere just beyond my reach_

_You say you've heard my prayers_

_You've read my words there on the beach…_

I hope that I can find something else to remember him by, because it would be useless to go search for him now. Hey…there's something shiny on that post. Could it be…yes, it is! Sasuke's headband, it's there! Maybe Konoha isn't mocking me after all…although I do wonder how it got up there…

_I need you…_

_I need you here, I need you now_

_I need security somehow…_

_I need you like you would not believe_

_You're the only thing I want, 'cause you're everything_

_Everything…_

_I need you…_

_I need you here, I need you now_

_I need security somehow…_

'_Cause you're everything, everything_

_I need you_

_I need you now_

I remember now. I remember why I need Sasuke…he's the only one who really sees me, who really cares. He never admitted it, and I don't think he could tell that I knew, and cared for him like nobody else as well, but it was real just the same. He will return, I know that. We're going through the same hell right now, and neither of us can last much longer.


End file.
